We all know how the typical Princess story goes….The handsome Prince will come and rescue her from some dreadful situation and they all live happily ever after.
I don’t want this to turn into some sexist man bashing post, so I will refrain as much as possible. But don’t forget I am the cynic, I was a ”Princess,” (that’s what my Dad said) who grew up hearing about being rescued by the man of my dreams.
And before I go any further, I am very happy in a 4 year relationship right now. He might not be Prince Charming, he didn’t rescue me, nor is he perfect. But he is my best friend, I love him and he supports me no matter what life throws me. Which happens to be a lot over the last few years.
My first problem with the Prince Charming, living happily ever after notion is that has set us girls up for disappointment. No one ever told me in a Disney cartoon that Prince Charming was likely to be the most manipulative personally disordered person I will ever meet. No one ever told me as a teenage girl growing up in the 90’s that I didn’t have to have a man by my side to be whole. Life is just not that perfect, especially in a committed relationship.
I’m pretty sure there was a repetitive recording in my head. I’m not exactly sure why it was so strong in myself. I think it has something to do with some personality traits. But it said ”In order to be happy, you need a man.” A lot of women I know and have known have this problem.
I’m lucky though, I was born with some resilience, common sense and a yearning for independence. It just took a lot of heartache, experience and insight before I could pull it all together and come up with the truth. This is what happened to me…..
From around 17 to my early 20’s I spent a fair bit of time taking on rubbish boyfriends. There was only one serious one, we were apparently together, but it seemed like a major ordeal just to be able to get him to spend any time with me. But, I wanted to fix HIM, he had a sad story. His mother had passed away when he was young, his brother had committed suicide a few years later and his father re married very quickly. He was seriously damaged goods, but for some reason (Disney?) I must have thought it was OK for him to treat me like crap and cheat on me. He was never abusive or mean, just not really at all interested in to being with me. I would occasionally decide I had enough, he would suck up, cry a bit and I would accept his pleas. I really thought I could fix him and turn him into my Prince Charming.
So there was afew less serious relationships after that, lasting just a month or two. A couple low lifes, etc. Nothing much to report there except me settling for something that really was far less than I deserved.
Now the next Prince Charming contender. Oh wow. WHAT A CATCH! I was about 22, and he completely and utterly swept me off my feet. I could recall and write about many, many fond memories. Huge romantic gestures, kindness, attractiveness and intelligence. Oh and chemistry! This guy is actually what inspired my to write this blog. Talking to a friend last night, we ventured into a few what ifs in life…This guy come into my consciousness for the first time in many, many years. I dreamt about him last night, recounting the dreams, I can still observe my inner consciousness trying to make sense of it all. He has driven me crazy all day, just because I never figured out what his motivations were. It’s far too complex to go into any further….I think its time to take this post to a different tangent. I will just add that I followed this relationship with world travel, working abroad and finding an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 3 years until I found aforementioned Prince Charming again….and to keep this respectful of the male species I’m not going to go into the rest. I just find it so frustrating that my Prince was a toad!
So then I was living free. Single on my own, and I had a great time. Now around 25, I had full control of my life, and that ability to really be insighful about my own motivations and what the opposite sex was really about. This is when ”The Game” and it’s “Players” REALLY begun to be terrifyingly fun and intersting. I met some amazing people in this period of my life. I learnt some really good things about humanity and some really bad things.I also learnt how to play the game right back and give as good as I got, that could be a whole separate blog. Lol!
I observed friends do some really dumb things in relationships. I learnt the hard way, that you can’t make someone ”Get it.” You can’t make a beautiful intelligent woman expect more for herself. Deal breakers are only deal breakers to the onlookers, but not the woman experiencing the crap. I actually lost a good friend over this, because I bashed her around the head so many times, she got fed up. I told her over and over again ”This guy is BAD news, get away now.” I began to realise that a lot of us women had that same recording, ”Find him, find your Prince now” and “You can fix him.”
This all contributes to equality in a really bad way. My Dad said to me one day ”Women want equality, but they still want men to open the door for them.” So very true, obviously another generalisation, but one I am guilty of many times over. I guess women of my age are stuck somewhere in between. We’re all obviously very confused about our sexuality in terms of empowerment, women are still considered of ill repute if they act ”promiscuously.” The double standard causes much confusion and any woman I’ve witnessed who decides to take control of her sexual desires ends up in a fierce internal battle, a new recording ”I am strong, independent and equal, but that makes me a slut who doesn’t do the dishes.”
I have heard first hand, a middle aged man state, in regard to a women being used as a piece of meat by a man, as being ”Her fault because she should not have been so stupid.” But no one is teaching these girls any different! One night at the local club, when single, I was chatting to a potential Prince Charming. He seemed OK, I’d only just met him. I was fairly full of some form of spirits or cocktails or who knows what. But potential Prince Charming’s friend was a little more wasted than I…..He had been observing the goings on. He said to me in almost incomprehensible slurring ”You’re gagging for it, aren’t you?” Being fairly intoxicated myself I hurled quite a few expletives and left potential Prince Charming to ponder why he had brought THAT friend along that night….Lol!
Every girl wants to be a Princess….but it can come at a great cost.
Please note! I fully acknowledge that not all men are personality disordered sexual predators!
Where’s my flowers? Engagement ring? Soppy love poetry?….Oh oops I forgot, I don’t really need it to feel safe.
Girls WHOEVER HE is, don’t settle for any less than your friends think you deserve! You can’t think clearly Princess 🙂